Sunday, July 26, 2009

Movie Themes That Have Clear signs of being "CRAP"

Well as you all know, i am long pioneer in watching african movies, and as i mentioned before i was duped for many years, in buying and watching crap - money i could have saved. Ok so after 10 years of watching movies, i pride myself of being very good at telling the crap from the best. Mostly I go by ACTORS or ACTRESSES, then secondly i go by the PREVIEW of the movie - instantly i can tell it will be crap.
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Yes -when it comes to nigerian movies, I TELL THE BOOK BY ITS COVER - almost always I am right.
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I already made a thread speaking about which actors and actresses are good to look out for so i wont discuss that again. Now when it comes to the story lines , below is the type of these and things to look out for and i suggest you dont spend money to buy it unless someone has reviewed it and said it is worth buying.

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Story Lines which are almost always bound to be CRAP

- College Campus Stories

With this type of stories, most likely you will see actors/tresses dressed almost like clowns. Afro hair, red lipstick, ridiculous clothings that makes them look like tarts, some dudes dresses all thug like trying to emulate yankee, the preview will tell u a lot of stuff such as some cult initiative or chanting or some bs like that. STAY AWAY FROM SUCH CRAP - ITS BORING.

- Royal Stories

-The King of producing such crap is Frank Arase and Abdul Mumuni (the producer/director duo who produced Beyonce, Princess Tyra etc). On the box or in the preview you will definately see a character with some royal clothing or jewellery, and sometimes with the queen or princess in some ridiculous make up and attire. The story line is ALWAYS the same, poor girl falls in love with rich prince, or poor boy falls in love with rich Princess. The give you the whole crap Shebang of rose petals being thrown on floor, "your honour this your honour that".
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Whilst we are on the subject of these two producers i cant stand Frank Arase and Abdul Mumuni, please can someone tell them to stop using american singers names; they used BEYONCE, CIARA, SOLANGE, whats next? MICHAEL JACKSON.
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I guess since these producers realised a lot of their audience are african americans or caribbeans abroad, they want to profit from the "Coming to America" type themes cos they know they are bound to get these new audience to watch regardless.
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THIS STORY LINE IS GETTING REAL OLD AND TIRED AND NEEDS TO BE RETIRED - Africa has more story to tell than the usual Royal Nonsense, Marriage, Campus stories, Abuja Runs nonsense etc.
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There are very few exceptions, cos i remember there are some royal movies which i have seen which i enjoyed such as "Royal Palace" starring Saint Obi.
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Africa has a thousands of stories to tell, for once we ask these producers to be a little creative, just once. We have had enough of Royal stories, give us something new.
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Uncle Olu Jacobs, you are an OSCAR performer and lawd knows i love you some, but please be selective in your roles, cos its been nothing but disappointment for me lately. Stop playing KING. I am really tired of it.
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- Prostitution with Politicians

Usually this story line is set in Abuja. The men are always some fat overweight pot bellied man called "Chief" or "Alhaji", then you have their girls usually in afro "blonde" wigs, red lipsticks, their eyebrows penciled in way past the normal allowable, and just some ridiculous dressing. There is a lot of screaming in these type movies cos they women are either fighting with each other cos one women slept with their money source (Chief). They never use their native names but rather some ridiculous Foreign names the characters themselves cant pronounce. JUST STAY AWAY from these story lines. Save your money.

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- Money Ritual Stories
With this type of story line you most likely will see some actors such as Kanayo Kanayo, Clem Ohameze and/or some other older actors. Usually they will be wearing a cowboy hat (bottom line anymovie with anyone wearing cowboyhat stay away from such CRAP) and wearing suits where the coat is 3/4, and almost likely the suit is either some neon color like green, yellow, red etc and then the actors will either be smoking some cigar, cigarette and have on dark shades, and worse of all will be holding a walking stick, in protrayal of them being some FAKE dons or mafia group. STAY AWAY FROM SUCH CRAP - ITS BORING AND NOT WORTH YOUR MONEY
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I will add more later. :lol:

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WARNING TO YOU ALL!!!!!.

SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR, CONSIDERING HOW CRAP MOST OF THE CURRENT MOVIE RELEASES HAVE BEEN, THE NEW STRATEGY BEING USED BY THE NOLLYWOOD MARKETERS IS THEY ARE RERELEASING OLD MOVIES (these were better story lines and didnt have as much crap and mediocre actors and actresses) AND RE-TITLING and RE-PACKAGING THE OLD MOVIES TO MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE ITS BRAND NEW.

For newbies who just started watching movies a few years ago, thats ok, you missed out and this your opportunity to watch it, but for those of you (such as myself) who have seen these movies way before, just becareful of not being deceived thinking its a new movie, cos its not. Some of these movies ar at least 5 years old.

I will compile a list later and post it here to let you all be aware.

First we had to deal with movies being broken into 3 sometimes 4 parts and Part 1 & 2 being titled different from Part 3 & 4, and now we have to deal with this nonsense, once again from GREEDY ASS NOLLYWOOD MARKETERS or whomever is responsible.
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5 comments:

Nollywood Forever said...

I have to say that there are exceptions to all of these... for instance Campus flicks... There was War Game and Black Bra that I enjoyed, then with the Aristo type flicks there was Girls Cot, which I enjoyed enourmously.

There have been a few good royal ones too but the names escape me at this moment...

I think that ritual flicks I can never get into... especially the ones with special effect... Its just a shame when I see that from, even the ones that have the potential to be good ruin it with the over the topness.

LoveAfricanMovies said...

You are right, there are a "FEW" exceptions - just a few.

But in all honesty most of them are not that memorable for me to remember the titles.

And Yes "Black Bra" was one of the few campus one i remember and enjoyed. I dont know maybe its was because of Muna Obiekwe (u know i love me some Muna) tongue wagging Ini Edos throat :lol: - the plot was ok and i will give it 6/10.

nneoma said...

i would have to say that moreso than the actors and actresses in the film, you select a good movie by by its director/producer/writer. few actors/actresses these days are selective with their scripts. i have seen really good actresses in horrible movies (read Omotola in Beyonce) and then some not so well actors in amazing films (I think it was white water, the lead actor - great film).

Anonymous said...

You are correct in your assessment of the African Movie Industry. I am an African American living in the US and started watching African movies a couple years ago. I purchased a movie about Nadia Burai being a prostitute some time ago, then more recently another movie appeared with a diferent title and cover which turned out to be the same movie. The other thing I started noticing was how they break up the movies into Part 1 and 2, sell that DVD, then sell Part 3 and 4, as a seperate DVD. There was one movie they sold as a two part DVD and one of the parts was only 10 minutes long. At this point, unless they can put a movie all on one DVD, I am determined to try to keep my money in my pocket.

geraldine randall said...

U r correct but gene is gena, omo is omo.mj is mj, n that's wat make her dffrnt.she's very talented n hv more courage then most actresses in the industry.not many can do or accept roles as mj, cuz they feel big n proud that they won't play this or that.mj accept it all cuz she's talented n look/fit in any role she play/played. That's why is call acting. By the way, I like u cuz u speak ur mind. n that's good.

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